A world where children die

February 18, 2015

Where to start on this one...

This week, a team from Generations church from North Carolina has been serving in our home, at HP, and in the rural villages.  First off, this team was fantastic and truly wanted to serve Christ.  In our home, great love and care was shown to each child, even those who are easily overlooked.  What a joy it was to see loving hands holding Ruauvis and Angelita even though they are not able to give much acknowledgement of being held. 

This got me thinking; what exactly is it that we have to offer to God?  We sing songs about giving Him our all, but what is it exactly that He is getting out of 'our all'?  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  There is nothing that I am that God needs.  Not one skill, not one ability.  So why is it that He has brought me here?  "Who am I O sovereign Lord, and what is my family that you have brought me this far?" 2 Sam 7:18  What does He possibly want me to do that someone else could not do?  Again, nothing.  But that's just it, I am not here, we are not at this place in our walk with Christ because of anything we can do, but solely because of the grace of God who saw fit to bless our eyes with the wonders of His work. 

And so I think yet again, how blessed am I beyond belief that He saw fit to pull me out of ashes and allow me to see the fruits of His labor. 

 The team also spent an afternoon and helped with a childrens program in our village called Paso a Paso, Step by Step.  There are around 50 children who come here for help with homework, a fun place to play, and loving support from teachers whose love for them shines vibrantly.  The children learn bible stories, and sing songs which they sang for their guests.  The team ran and played with the kids, and set up fun games, crafts, and balloon animals and lots of laughter was shared. 

In the group home, bottles were fed, diapers changed, and hundreds of black beans were sorted.  These seem like simple things, but usually it's the simplest things that make the biggest impact.  For example, it can take hours to sort out all the tiny rocks from the bags of black beans, but after a large group set to work, 8 gallon sized of beans were sorted in around an hour.  That's roughly 24 meals for this many mouths. 

Sometimes serving God can look a lot like sorting beans and changing diapers. 

February 19, 2015

Today we traveled to a village called Sipacate, which is by the Pacific Ocean.  Since it is at sea level, it is very hot here; 95 degrees while we visited.  Also, being this close to the salt of the ocean, wheelchairs and other equipment quickly rust and degrade.  We tightened the breaks of a wheelchair, which is no small feat through the rust and corrosion.  Following this visit, we visited and encouraged several families bringing food baskets to some, and formula or medication to others. 

My Spanish is still very poor so it can seem hard at times to show the support I want to show to these families who struggle daily to care for family members with sometimes extreme disabilities.  Many neighbors and even family members are unable to see the gift of this child sitting right in front of them.  Parents can see it, but cannot share it with those who are blind to God's gift seated before them. 

At one house, while phone calls were being made (in Spanish) to resolve an issue, I had the extended opportunity to play with a child who is very contracted from CP.  She smiles and laughs and pleases God with her joy.  And people say she is broken.  I believe that she knows more of God's unconditional love than anyone who can walk or talk or think they know anything.  I played peek a boo through her hammock, and each time I peered over the fabric at her, I think I was more excited to see the joy in her face than she was to see mine.  What a gorgeous child!  Oh what a sad thing to only know one word for beautiful in Spanish because  wanted nothing more than to share with her mother what an incredibly beautiful child she was.  So I find myself mumbling over and over "es muy bonita", which is about all I can manage.  But somehow God got this concept through my broken Spanish, and before we left, this loving mother and I shared a hug and some words I know were only understood by one or the other of us.  God uses our weaknesses.  I am unable to communicate with words.  He communicates for me beyond words. 

At another house, the child we wanted to visit was at school, so we visited briefly with her mother, and young sister.  Again, I am struck by the methods God uses.  Praise God for hide and seek around corners and finger painting in the dirt.  I have never grown up with a lot of experience with children, but I cannot now understand how you could not love such a beautiful creation of a child. 

We visited with families whose children are sick.  I kinda hate seeing children hurting when they cannot fully understand why.  When children with compromised immune systems become sick, it can become very dangerous. 

Dorcas also has CP, and is well cared for by a very loving family.  Because she cannot walk, she spends a lot of time in bed or her wheelchair.  Many children with CP have very limited movement and are at an increased risk for obtaining pressure ulcers.  Dorcas has a small open sore on her bottom.  Even a small area like this is at a risk for infection, and because the damage under the skin is larger than the sore on the surface of her skin, a pressure sore can get worse very quickly.  We explained to her family about bed sores, specifically that even though only a small area is open, that there is a lot of damage beneath her skin that cannot be seen.  We explained how to properly care for her sore, and how to prevent them in the future. 

Please pray for Dorcas, that her sore begins to heal, and for her family who loves her greatly. 

Maria Jose is about six years old, and has CP.  When we visited her, she had been struggling with a throat infection, cough, and fever for a few days.  Her family was already taking care of her sickness (she has apparently struggled with this for years) and were treating her with an antibiotic and fever reducer, so we encouraged them take her to a doctor if she did not improve. 

(Since first writing this, Maria Jose has gone to walk with the Lord.  I'll share more about this later in this post.)

Leslie's family was preparing to take her to the doctor when we arrived because her skin was pale, and her eyes jaundiced.  She has had hepatitis and a few acute flare ups.  A quick assessment and questions later definitely pointed toward the beginning of another flare up.  We encouraged them that she did in fact need to see the doctor, and that they were doing the right thing in taking her that day.  Several members in Leslie's family are suffering from a local illness called chikungunya.  Chikungunya is transmitted by mosquito and presents with flu-like symptoms and joint pain. 

Please be praying for Leslie, and her family. 

This trip also had a few new experiences for me.  I have never seen the ocean before, so before we returned home, we stopped by the beach for a little while.  The black sands were beautiful in contrast to the ocean.  I was not expecting the smell of the salt water misting over us.  The ocean is incredible because if you look to the horizon, you can just see the curvature of the horizon.  I had also never eaten fish (discounting fish sticks) because darke county is pretty far from any large body of water.  I like fish, and I think it likes me since it was smiling and staring at me the whole meal!  Also, the farther we got from mountains, the land flattened out and my eyes were once again blessed to see the beauty of endless rolling fields like those in Ohio (except not currently covered in snow).  I love the mountains, but it was very refreshing to see familiar fields stretching as far as the eye could see, and so much sky. 

March 4, 2015

I have not written in a little while.  Life here has been busy, but also, my mind can be a little slow to fully process some things.  As I write some of these thoughts, I need to mention that this is not where some thought provoking statement about pain and death is made and you walk away feeling inspired.  Honestly I don't want to talk about this, I just want to go on about Christian laughing so hard he snorts when you tickle his neck. Or Alejandra standing at her standing bar for a 90 seconds today.   Or even just being tired and overwhelmed at times would be nice to write about.  But writing about this feels like I'm Picking off scabs where I thought I had dealt with emotions, only to find that they still bleed. 

You just read about our trip to Sipacate.  One week later, as we were traveling to Guastatoya, we received a phone call that stopped our car on the side of the road.  I did not know what was being said, but I knew that it was serious.  Then I was told that Maria Jose had died.  She was about six years old. 

This was and is a lot to process. 

We live in a world where children die. 

The week before I left, I was asked if I was prepared for the loss of a child. 

That struck me. 

How could I ever be?

Over the last year I have personally encountered more loss of young people than there should ever be.  Some from far away, like the two children in Hogar de la Esperanza, who I had never met, but had been praying for daily.  I never got to hold them, but I got to cry for them, and praise God that they are home.  I lost a cousin at 17 years of age.  He was kind, polite, funny, and so smart.  I also knew him mostly from afar and only saw him only on occasion.  I also lost a friend only a few weeks younger than me.  I now treasure every little moment growing up in youth group or at churchwide events.  I was so blessed to get to spend some time with him and his family and friends before he met Jesus a few days before Easter.

After each of these deaths, I have done a lot of thinking.  I grieved the loss of Ezperanza and Thania, because although I had never met them, I loved them.   I was sad in part because I had not gotten to hold them or help walk them home.  I wish I had been more a part of my cousins life.  I regretted time not spent in correspondence, and not knowing more about this young man I always thought I'd have more time to know.  I grieved the loss of my friend because even though he got to meet Jesus first, and is now walking and in no more pain, he was not here with us anymore, and it hurt to see his family hurting and to know that he will not be in sunday school every week anymore.  For each these children, family and friends who have gone home before me, I have prayed, and cried.  I felt sadness, pain, anger, guilt, and emotions I can't fully define.  I have been flooded with emotions for a situation mankind was not intended to have to face.  We know death because we know sin.  And we live in a world where children die. 

We called the home and informed them that this precious child is not sick anymore, and has been cured of CP.  Members of our ministry loaded up the next morning to travel for her funeral.  Only a few could go because life continues and our children still need clean diapers.  They spent time with Maria Jose's loving family, and they cried with them.  What a blessing it must have been to get to know this family, and to love and hold Marie Jose.  I thank God that I got to meet her and see her families love for her. 

Later on our trip in Guastatoya, I got to meet a new family whom Daryl had told us about.  Dora is 50 years old, and has several birth defects that have left her unable to walk.  Her elderly mother helps care for her.  There was no food in their house on Daryl's initial visit, so we had brought a basket of food for them, and will continue to do so.  I was unable to meet Dora as she was not home when we stopped in.  I am told that she was out begging.  Part of the complication with Dora and her mother is that the stairs leading to their home are very narrow, uneven, and turn.  This is impossible to navigate in her wheelchair, so Dora crawls on dirty concrete stairs every day of her life.  Once to street level, Dora's elderly mother would push her around.  Her mother had recently broken her upper arm.  When I saw this arm I was greatly disturbed.  Her upper arm is at an angle close to 75 degrees where it should be straight.  This caused her great pain although the injury was "fixed" nearly two months ago.  While examining her arm, I saw that although it had enough blood flow, it was very swollen and even discolored.  She said it had been like this since she left the hospital.  Did I mention I was greatly disturbed?  What I mean is I am angry.  How could anyone with any medical experience at all look at her arm and say that it was ok?  Who set it?  Worse, who sent her home like that?  The damage is done and were she to go to the best specialist available, her arm would never look normal again.  This pain she is having now, and the immobility of her right arm impede her daily life.  And they sent her away. 

March 7, 2015




Additionally, the therapy tub has finally arrived, and with the concrete walkway already in place, it is now in place, and ready for use with the kids.  This will really help with the children with high tone CP.  Warm water therapy pools create a pressure around a person caused by the water around them.  This is called hydrostatic pressure.  This is useful because hydrostatic pressure is a slight constant pressure even across a persons body.  Even someone who can't move by themselves will have increased circulation and blood flow, and less pain.  The warmth also aids in relaxing contracted muscles so that our children will have increased range of motion in their tight arms and legs.  Since many of our kids have neurological impairments causing spascity, the warm temperature is especially helpful to reduce tremors and spacity. 

If your interested, a good site for basic benifits of warm water therapy pools is at http://www.brainline.org/content/2009/05/creative-therapy-why-aquatic-therapy_pageall.html.  This is an easy read with good references, but if your interested in more resources, let me know and I'll send you what I've found. 

Hi all, I can finish off on a happier note, this week our home was blessed with a visit from Mike Tobes, an Optometrist from the states who provided free eye exams for everyone in the home, both children and staff.  Glasses will be provided for those who need them at no cost.  Praise God! 

March 10, 2015

Today Christian had a hearing to determine if he is able to return home to his family.  Just a reminder, Christian is 5 years old, has autism, and is mostly blind and deaf.  He has been here over a year, and is very much a loved part of this family.  His family first approached Hogar de la Esperenza seeking help in caring for him.  They attended a training session to better understand how to handle Christian's sensory difficulties, and what to do to prevent, or care for his meltdowns.  So, are very sad to see him go because we are loosing a son and brother.  However, he is going home with a family who loves him.  Please pray for wisdom and patience for his family as we trust that God knows what He is doing.  Thank God for sending Christian into our lives. 

Once again, I would like to thank you for your prayers.  Please be praying specifically for the family of Maria Jose and their great loss.  Pray for Leslie and her continuing battle with hepatitis.  Pray also for the members of her family who are sick with chikungunya.  Pray for Dorcas that her sore will heal quickly through the diligent care of her family.  Pray for Dora and her mother, both for her mother's pain, and their situation. 

~Katie~

--after His heart--

Rural villages and Volcanos

February 6, 2015

Hi everyone!

I just returned from my first rural village ministry trip to the community of San Pablo.  This is the community where Brittney has moved to and opened her school just this week.  She has four students with varying special needs, and has a classroom ready for learning.  Here is the link to her blog: http://brittneyfulp.blogspot.com/.

This village is by a lake in the pocket of several mountains.  To reach it, we climbed as high as 8,500 feet above sea level.  The road which descended to San Pablo is quite steep and zigzags dozens of times lower and lower.  Each turn was about 180 degrees and sharp enough that only one vehicle could fit at a time.  The potholes in the areas that were paved were deep enough that my head nearly hit the window several times although we were only driving around 5-10 mph over them.  I can only imagine this during wet season.  This road did not have any outlets because no one could use land this steep and there weren't any homes here.  As we descended, back and forth a million times over, we could glimpse the lake and it's towns from far above.  This is one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen.  God knows His art!  

 

While there, I had a very refreshing visit with my dear friend Brittney, and a look at life in this small community.  People are close here, and there are not many outsiders.  Many of the people speak only the indigenous language of the mayan people rather than Spanish.  There are 17 families that Hope for Home visits here monthly.  Some receive food or formula, others receive medications, and still others need only a check up and reminder that others care about their precious children and love them with Christ's love.  I was struck by the significance of this emotional support with one family in particular.  This young man had been ostracised from his community because of a skin condition which we now think may be the result of an allergy.  His parents praised God that someone else could see the value of their son.  

As we prayed in our varying languages, I was struck by how blessed I am to witness this moment.  God has orchestrated a multitude of events in an order just so precise that I could come from the middle of a corn field to see His provision in a family tucked away in the corner of a remote community in a country far from home.  What an incredible God we serve!  

 

A few of the smiling faces in San Pablo.

Later we entered the home of a new family.  Their 14 year old son has some lasting weakness from an illness he had when He was 5.  We discovered that this illness was guillain barre, and his scars showed the severity had necessitated a feeding tube and  tracheostomy.   This disease attacks the nerves and starts with ascending paralysis which can occur as fast as a few hours and inhibit a person's ability to breath on their own.   Praise God that he lived because this is an uncommon disease that can potentially be deadly even in the best hospital in the states, and he had gone to the national hospital (which I've heard truly awful stories about, and he is lucky to not have died from infections there).  Why do I mention this?  Because I have studied this disease.  I have read about it, and answered NCLEX questions on it, and even briefly had experience with a patient in an ICU in the states with a similar autoimmune disease leading to paralysis who needed ventilator assistance.  But here all that knowledge did little good.  9 years ago, this child was sick.  Now he is healthy, and his needs have little to do with this disease he had.  

Knowing about a disease means nothing now.  He needs physical therapy to strengthen weak muscles.  He needs antibiotics to fight an acute throat infection.  And he needs encouragement that he is not broken or defective but precious to God.  I was humbled yet again by how great God is and how small I am.  This is exactly what I thought training in the nursing field would help me do, but training doesn't matter one little bit.  God uses who he calls to do things they were never trained for, and He laughs when we are mistaken to think anything we know will amount to more than a hill of beans.  Don't get me wrong.  God gives us experiences in life that will build us up one piece at a time.  He provides us with just the right tools to get the job done, but He never intends for us to do it in our own power.  He created us to depend on Him every step of the way.  

So I watched as this boy received a physical therapy and occupational therapy assessment, a plan was developed, and training was given for therapy.  He was medically assessed, and found to have an active throat infection and a regimen of medication was started.  He was referred to a neurologist  based on a skilled assessment of his seizure like activity.  His family's financial situation was noted and social work began to determine potential needs.  All of this, which would take hours, days, or  weeks in the US occurred smoothly in less than 30 minutes from the comfort of his home.  

God knows so much more than anything we think we know.  He brings the most unlikely people into the most ridiculous of situations and all to His glory.  He chooses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise.  What a beautiful country this is, and such a beautiful people.  I believe that God created people with special needs to shame those who think themselves wise.  And he uses them to show His glory.  Thank you God that my skills never have to be enough.  Thank you that what I know is not important to do your work.  Because what I know is not very much, and your knowledge is vast beyond measure.  Thank you that this is all your plan because the plans of men will fail while yours baffle our minds every time.  Thank you for teaching me the same lessons time and time again because I am ignorant and need you to hold my hand for each step.  I know that you must become greater and I must become less.  

February 7, 2015

Hi everyone, I know a lot of you have heard that Volcano Fuego erupted today.  We are about 8 miles from there, and so are safe from any lava flow, although the ash in the air is a concern.  The ash has landed as far as 38 miles from the volcano.  On our roof, it felt like it was snowing as the tiny particles dusted a person in seconds.  Footprints traced my steps as I walked, and you could not see the nearest mountains.  The sky resembled the erie color preceding a strong thunderstorm and the sun was hidden.  

We quickly closed all the doors and windows, and wore masks whenever outside.  Next the vehicles were loaded with wheelchairs and car seats.  This is a time consuming process with so many to load.  Cloths, diapers, formula, and water were prepared in case we decided to evacuate.  By this time, the cloud had lifted quite a bit, though the wind continued to stir up ash.  We decided that with the ash in the air dissipating, we would stay in the home and continue watching.  Many of the children have respiratory problems, and transporting them through this is not advisable unless necessary.  We administered breathing treatments frequently to those at risk, and maintained a sealed home.  

At this point, we intend to remain indoors for a few days and spray the outside with water a few times once all the ash settles.  We are all safe, and God has blessed us with such a large home that can be effectively sealed from the outside.  Praise God for fresh fruit and vegetables delivered just this morning.  Praise God that our two bedrooms detached from the rest of the indoors are currently uninhabited so no one has to venture outside.  Praise God that at this point we do not have to evacuate all 22 of us.  Praise God for continued electricity and clean drinking water, and showers to wash off the ash.  Praise God for His protection and provision.  

February 8, 2015

During the night the wind has decreased so that for most of the day our home was clear, although the cloud was visible and the home remained sealed.  The outside was wet down since it is the dry season and rain is unlikely to wash the ash away, or stop it from blowing.  This evening there was a fresh coat of ash however, but as it was dark we could not tell how much.  We are continuing breathing treatments for the children, and we are safe.  

February 10, 2015

It feels good to be through all that volcano nonsense!  As of today I have been in Guatemala one month.  Time seems to have flown by.  I have been so blessed by what God has shown me.  I have a notebook full of lessons learned and relearned.  One thing that has hit me recently is how crazy it is that God has brought me to this beautiful land and shown me so many of His precious children.  

"What is man that you are mindful of him?  The son of man that you care for him?"  Psalms 8:4

"He felt great pity for the crowds that came because their problems were too great and they did not know where to go for help.  They were like sheep without a shepherd.  He said to His disciples 'The harvest is so great, but the workers are so very few.  So pray to the Lord of the harvest; ask Him to send out more workers for His fields."    Matthew 9:36-38

The more I see the more desperately I see the need for Christ both in the country I see before me now, and the one I came from.  Both are bankrupt.  One has such immense physical need that my heart hurts by what my eyes see.  In Las Palmas children ran barefoot across cement and dirt floors.  Families struggle with illnesses which would not occur if basic water and sanitation needs were met.  

In the other country, the bankruptcy is spiritual.  In Greenville Ohio, The need is harder to see.  It disguises itself by subtly hiding behind problems seen as normal struggles.  Here my heart hurts not so hard for the broken situation as for the reason behind it, a life long brokenness that is not even recognised.  

It is easy to see a lack of food.  The evidence is as plain as malnutrition.  They symptoms are well understood and defined with medical parameters.  It is not so easy to notice the spiritual bankruptcy which is so common in every country on this planet, but perhaps more so in rich countries.  

It starts as a feeling of sufficiency.  An ability to meet ones own needs, therefore God is only necessary when things go wrong, and cannot be fixed by oneself.  This leads to sporadic time with God, because of a false impression that we can do anything without Him.  This leads to pride in our own accomplishments.  It leads to a mistaken sense of ownership to abilities or possessions which aren't really ours, and a feeling of entitlement to a certain lifestyle.  (I may rant a little on this, but if you claim to be poor, yet find a few hundred dollars to replace a cracked i phone, you may misunderstand what poverty actually looks like).  

And oh do we get angry if our expectations are not met.  

Since we meet our own needs, and we deserve what we have, we grow to think that our opinion matters more than other's.  We no longer communicate with our families.  We are all too willing to rid ourselves of anything that reminds us that we are not the ultimate authority in our own lives.  

Because we have, we no longer need.  

This  manifests as forgotten time with God, fights on the way to church,  and wedges driven between spouses, parents and children.  

Yes, we are as spiritually destitute in our wealth.  

So I repeat: "He felt great pity for the crowds that came because their problems were too great and they did not know where to go for help.  They were like sheep without a shepherd.  He said to His disciples 'The harvest is so great, but the workers are so very few.  So pray to the Lord of the harvest; ask Him to send out more workers for His fields."    Matthew 9:36-38

Both where I came from and where I am now I see more and more situations where the simple description of the problem is "He really needs Jesus".  

For me personally, I am very weak.  I think it is far easier to live for God when I can see my need clearly.  When all my needs are met readily, I am in danger of thinking I have a chance on my own.  Praise God for showing me daily just how fragile we are.  Thank you God for showing me my weakness that I can see your strenght.  

He must become greater, I must become less.  

                 

   

Thanks for your continued prayer!

~Katie~

--after His heart--

Finally Here

   January 10, 2015

Hello friends,

I'm on my way!

I am writting this while sitting in an airport in Atlanta, where I am finally on my way to Guatemala.  As you know, I have been trying to get to Guatemala for nearly a year and a half now, so this moment has been long awaited.  I am eager to begin working with the team, and meeting the children.  I want to tahnk you for your help because we are a team.  I have been so very blessed that God has placed this calling on me, and given me all the right open doors to come.  Praise God who sees the deepest desires of our hearts and answers our cries.  Our God is faithful.  

If you have ever driven any distance, then you know what a sight it is to watch the miles roll past your window.  I love Ohio because the endless fields allow for a view miles and miles off, sprinkled with trees and crisp straight rows of corn.  This morning I had the privilidge of watching that countryside fade into the distance from far above.  I do not think that beauty could ever become mundane.  A patchwork quilt of varying shades of white faded into the dawn.  God makes some pretty crazy art.  

Well, I just wanted to share that thought, and I am sure I will be sharing many more in the days to come.  

Blessings from the air!

January 15, 2015

Good morning,

I am feeling both very happy, and very drained.  I think it is a combination of a busy week and visiting HP.  

Oh what a hard place that is to visit.   I believe that HP is the one place which God used the most to show me how much He wants me here.  It breaks my heart standing there, holding little Guatelupe, whose body is so contorted and retracted that she will never sit normally, and who smells of urine because she was so wet that it had soaked through her diaper, and pants, and through my own pants while I held her in my lap (blessed by holy water as Daryl would put it).  This child cannot speak, and she cannot walk or even sit on her own.  She spends most of her life in a cage of metal baren metal bars that some might call a crib.  She may have a family that visits every once in a while, or she may never have known what a family is.  I imagine she has quite the heart wrenching story too.  But whatever her past, today she lives alone in a metal cage lined up tightly in a room with 20 others more bent and broken than she is.  Her future is not bright.  It is years of lying alone in this cage in a wet diaper being fed from a bottle though she looks to be a teenager (it is so hard to know ages when malnutrition has left a mark stunting growth from an early age).  

But she is precious.  She is a beautiful child of God.  In my lap she smiles, and is full of contagious laughter.  Her belly deep laughs bring life to the whole place.  She laughs so hard and loud that I am sure the whole ward must break into laughter as well.  I certainly can't help it!  Guatelupe knows the joy of the Father, even in this hopeless place.  

This is why God brought me here, to meet Guatelupe.  To know her.  To love her.  To learn joy from her.  God loves her desperately.  His heart breaks for her, even more than mine.  He brought me here to hear her laugh.  

I would love to show you a picture of her, but we are not allowed to take picture in here.  But I will show you a picture of another little girl.  Her name is Alejandra.  She is 12 years old.  She cannot talk, and she cannot walk.  She is very stiff and must wear a bib all the time because to catch her drool.  When she eats she drops a lot and makes a mess.  She wears a diaper, and is wheelchair bound.  

Here's the difference.  

Alejandra lives in a home based on sharing Christ's love, and not an overly crowded institution.  She has a motorized wheelchair which gives her mobility and freedom to roam the house.  She She is a messy eater, because she has learned to feed herself and encouraged to do so.  She wears a diaper, but it is clean and dry because she is helped to use a real bathroom through patient and loving arms.  Alejandra is highly intelligent with bright eye.  She looks forward to school with a passion, and it brings out a smile.  And oh what a smile!  She could melt the coldest heart with her smile.  Alejandra lives in a home with a family.  She gets real meals, brushed teeth, decorated hair, and many kisses.  Each day, while she is not exploring in her motorized wheelchair, she is held, and played with.  She loves her purse and play tea parties.  She receives physical therapy daily which eases stiff limbs.  Alejandra is a blessing from God and I love her.  Praise God for the blessings he gives us, and these incredible children.  

After seeing this difference, I cannot comprehend how so very many children are still living in places like HP.  God has always had a special place in His heart for children and orphans.  In the last week before leaving for Guatemala, a and a number of people ask me why I didn't try to help closer to home before coming all the way to Guatemala. Looking into Guatelupe's eyes, how could I not come?  So I think to them I would answer, you help closer to home.  You make the difference where you see the need here.  Allow those whose hearts have been inexplicably drawn to places farther serve there.  

    January 19, 2015

So, after one week, I have a small idea just how busy life here is.  I have been helping in Hogar de la Esperanza, and learning about the children here.  They are beyond precious.  In the coming weeks I will be reviewing the medical side of the home, and beginning work with the four wheel drive teams to the villages.  As for right now, there is a brand new baby arriving at the home today.  We were already full, but after hearing about a severely malnourished 10 month old girl weighing 8lbs, we are about to become even busier.  

   January 22, 2015

Rosalinda is the newsest member of the family.  She is 10bls 11 oz, and very long.  I would attach a picture, however I am entirly inept with technology!  She has large and beautiful eyes and a tiny precious face.  She also has a fantastic set of lungs that she uses to cry and scream most of the day.  Please pray that God would help her have some peace, and the rest of us rest easy.  

May God's love be with you!

~Katie~

--after His heart--

Almost time

Just a Quick Update

Hi everyone, this is a short one just to say It's almost time!  After year and a half of waiting, I will be leaving for Guatemala in just under a month.  I am very excited to finally get there, and get my feet wet, and it sounds like I'll be hard at work in the busy and short handed group home.

Right now Hogar de la Esperenza has 12 children and is full to the brim.  The rural village ministry is now traveling to 25 villages and visiting 78 families.  Life looks very busy, and I am eager to jump in and become familiar with the flow.  

Thank you all for your prayers, 
~Katie~

--after His heart--

What do we look like?

 “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” --Gandhi

I’m afraid that’s all too true even more today.  In fact, the world has come to see us for everything we should not look like.  In a poll by Barna researchers, Americans view Christians as judgmental, hypocritical, out of touch with reality, insensitive to others, and not accepting of other’s faiths.  Christ countered each of these by forgiving, being genuine, truthful and aware, loving and inviting to members of all faiths.  

God open our eyes to understand the revulsion of this.

The study shows that “American’s involvement in some type of sexual behavior, including looking at on-line pornography, viewing sexually explicit magazines or movies, or having an intimate sexual encounter outside of marriage.  In all, 30% or born again Christians admitted to at least one of these activities in the last 30 days, compaired with 35% of other Americans.  In statistical and practical terms, this means that the two groups are no different from each other” (The Whole in our Gospel).  

No different from eachother?!?!?  

How can this possibly be? 

We look nothing like our Jesus!  

We can try to argue it, but the perception of the world were trying to reach screams back at us. 

I dare you, Google image search 'christian' and see the impact we've really made.  

I may be stretching, I have no biblical theology foundations, but I think this is largely in part of our discipline.  I once confessed to a ladies group that I had been struggling and had not had my devotion time in four days.  One by one the ladies present with me shared that they also had either neglected their time with God several times that week, or they never really had routine quiet time.  

Discipline.  

We were sharing all the struggles we had been having, not understanding why it was so hard.  It was because without that time, we were doing it alone. 

1 Peter 4 talks about suffering.  In a discussion this weekend, this suffering was compared closely to discipline.  I had never thought about this before.  This is not to say that they are the same, but comparable (again, no bible scholar here, very flawed thinker making observations).  Vs 13 says: “Instead be very glad—because these trials will make you partners with Christ in his suffering and afterward you will have the wonderful joy of sharing in His glory when it is displayed to all the world”. 

 

Without fellowship with other believers, we will grow dull. 

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.– Proverbs 27:17

Without prayer, we will grow sick and weak. 

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  James 6:5

Without mediating on his word, we will become apathetic and ignorant. 

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you”. – Psalm 119:11

“My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times. 21You rebuke the arrogant, who are accursed, those who stray from your commands.” Psalm 119:20-21

  

Instead of being defined by what I am against, I want to be known by what I am for. 

We must learn discipline.  "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."  Hebrews 12:11

~Katie~

After His heart

Earning

It’s a funny thing, becoming a “missionary”.  It’s not what I expected. 

I’m not sure why I thought that by knowing this calling, I would suddenly be free from all my indecision.  That by knowing where he is leading, I will not wonder every step of the way how it will happen.  Or perhaps I thought that in knowing the call, all my fears would go away because those whose faith is the most secure have no more fears.  But I fear messing up just as much now as I did before.  The uncertainty of ‘how’ remains on my mind. 

I did not anticipate this constant second guessing of my actions.  As though every step must go in a direct unwavering line straight to where I ought to go with no delays.  Like every choice I make is being judged, like I am constantly trying to prove to myself and others that I am worthy of this calling. 

But this is wrong. 

I acquire nothing through merit. 

I am earning nothing. 

Every choice is not weighed and deemed successful or selfless enough, and by believing that, I am holding myself capable of living selfless enough to earn God’s approval.  And I suppose also to gain the approval of people. 

Galatians 1:10 says ”Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

Though this is part of a larger message, this phrase has always stuck with me.  It is not possible to be fully a servant of God while I am still trying to prove myself to people, or to myself.  I am trying to do both by trying to make every action altruistic. 

This is dangerous because it places my “success” and worthiness on my own actions which fail time and time again to meet the standards I was never meant to meet on my own.  I set myself up for failure again and again. 

Who wouldn’t burn out? 

Then I grow distant again. 

Guilty again. 

Ashamed again. 

Defeated again. 

This is not the life to which we have been called. 

So I need to stop trusting myself and trying to “prove” myself because He has already proven Himself.  By struggling to succeed in this whole missionary thing, I am yet again humbled ad I see that my perceived failure to succeed is itself a failure because I thought it was my struggle and my strength with which I was failing.  

My strength was never enough.  

But “the issue is not my strength, but His, which is limitless”. 

Well, that’s it from this very human daughter. If you would like more specific updates, send me an e-mail at katie@hopeforhome.org, or find me on facebook.  I would love to share with you online or in person anything and everything!

~Katie~

--after His heart--