Tired but Content

Note: Please do not share the pictures of Micah because many eyes can't understand the beauty they are seeing in this little blessing.  

May 21, 2015

Mikah is coming home tomorrow!  I want so badly to meet him, and to hold him.  I love him so much already and I have onlt seen one picture.  

May 23, 2015

Yesterday Micah arrived by ambulance accompanied by a nurse and another caregiver from the hospital.  The necessary paperwork was signed, and we we able to hold little Micah on a pillow with special support given to his head.  He weighs 6 pounds, and a good portion of that is in his head.  He is two months old and was born with cleft lip and cleft palate, so he has a feeding tube.  He was also born without the upper portion of his skull, so there is nothing keeping the fluid from his hydrocephalus contained.  We have to use great caution when moving him because one of the fluid filled lobes has already ruptured a few days before Daryl and Wanda went to meet him.  The other side is quite fragile.  I to believe he was held more yesterday than in a week at the hospital!  He has precious dark eyes and as he flutters in and out of sleep, he often opens those eyes great big.  When you touch him, or hold his tiny hand, he begins breathing faster and sometimes makes happy cooing noises.  He is an absolute delight.  During the evening we noted what at first looked like hiccups, but turned out to be a seizure lasting nearly 4 minutes.  Throughout the night, he woke several times to seizures and had a total of 9 before morning.  Please be praying for him as these seem to cause him pain.  It can be hard to judge whether he is in pain, or when he is happy, but when he does cry, his soft almost sigh melts your heart. 

I am so happy that he has come.  Often I cannot express the extent of my emotions in words.  In this case, The love I have for him when I am holding him and looking at his perfect tiny body, I cannot even understand.  He is the most precious thing.  

May 30, 2015

Morning:
Little Micah is still with us this morning, though we thought we were losing him several times this week.  He keeps cycling through phases where I truly believe any breath may be his last, as in fact the periods of apnea between breaths are often in excess of 15 seconds, and times when he struggles less.  Although, each cycle, the struggle and length of time between breaths increases.  What a blessing he is with his precious tiny face, and his hand holding the tip of my thumb while I sit here.  Oh how I love him and his tiny chest rising and falling with every breath.  (I like it better when he is not struggling of course.)  I love how is tiny little legs bend, and his funny little feet with their webbed toes.  His forearm is the size of my finger. 

Yes, he is perfect.  I love him, but I want him to go home.  It is time.  He struggles at times to breath.  And it kills me to watch him suffering.  His color is bad.  It is hard to sit and watch hour after hour as he draws in a sharp breath and for long seconds I wonder if it was his last, wishing I could have just one more minute with him, and yet relieved that he may at last be at peace.  But his tiny heart just keeps on beating.  And then he takes the next breath and all that tension is released.  It is exhausting to watch him hour upon hour, and yet I can't help it.  I can hardly stand to walk away.  Thank you God for this gift you have entrusted to us for such a short time.

Evening:
Today Micah is walking with Jesus.  He is finally free from pain, and no longer gasping for breath.  This has been a very long week.  I cannot believe that we only had Micah for eight days.  God lent him to us and what a blessing he was.  A few days ago, we all gathered together after a breathing scare, and I think little Micah just wanted to see us all together because he kept on fighting.  Since then, I think we have all been dealing with this better.  We faced a lot of what we would had he breathed his last that day, so we have been dealing with that emotion ever since, and now that he has gone, although we loved him dearly, we are able to understand the depth of the words "he's in a better place" that are so cliche'.  So today, when we say that again, he was doing very poorly, and struggling after a lot of vomiting, and struggling for each breath, we gathered around him again and sang worship songs to him for about 15 minutes.  Less than an hour after this, his heart finally stopped beating and he left this sad dark world for one where the great physician has healed every wound and wiped away every tear.  Sweet little Micah is singing with strong lungs and dancing on sturdy feet.  We are sad yes, but fully confident that right now, Micah is with Jesus and one day he will greet us when we join him in heaven. 

So after the family had gathered, and said a few good byes, we continued with loving the other kids God has lent to us, and began funeral arrangements.  Guatemala is not Ohio.  Things move so fast here when it comes to death, and it is so much more personal.  After he died, I took Micah aside to remove his feeding tube and clean him up a little for all the goodbyes.  We closed his eyes.  We called the doctor.  We ordered the child sized coffin.  We obtained a plot next to Esperanza, and dug the grave.  Tomorrow, less than 24 hours after his last breath, we will bury him. 

My head is reeling trying to keep pace with all the emotions I cannot understand in myself.  I am sad and I hurt, but I am relieved and rejoicing that his pain is over and his real life has finally begun.  I love my family here.  They have felt all of this before and yet they did once again opened their lives to the pain and joy of carrying a child home to Jesus.  Our pain is real.  And so is our joy.  we cried today, but we also laughed.  

Please continue to pray for all of us who have loved Micah home.

June 26, 2015

Sunday and yesterday, we held a medical clinic in the remote village of San Pablo with the help of a medical missions team from North Carolina.  This was our first medical missions team, and the two day clinic went off without a hitch.  The the team, together with our Dr. Augusto, and members of our ministry with medical knowledge or translators, saw over 180 people in two days.  The needs ranged from diabetic issues generally never before diagnosed, gastrointestinal troubles and diarrhea, headaches, general aches and pains from a very physically hard life, and malnutrition.  This was a a fantastic and exhausting two days.  The village of San Pablo is a very traditional Mayan people, many of whom speak only Tzutujil necessitating both translators from English to Spanish, but also from Spanish into Tzutujil. 

We set up shop in a small church which suited our needs perfectly.  God provides!  The building we had planned on was one large room and would have been quite hot and humid, and not provided the privacy or separation of needs that we had in the building that God provided.  There we had four rooms with doors for the Doctor, nurses, respiratory therapist, and triage.  There was a consistent cooling breeze so that the heat was never unbearable, and there was a larger area for people to wait, and for the makeshift pharmacy. 

During the first day of our clinic, our two Paramedics wend to train the bomberos who here have varying degrees of knowledge.  Some do not even know CPR, and others have ambulances with equipment they know how to use, though it is severely outdated.  I have never worked in the ER, so to me the concept of triage was under practiced at best.  I must admit however how good it was to hear the medical language again spoken between colleagues.  I forgot how comfortable that kind of lange had become. 

On our way home, we had to climb back up through the steep cutbacks.  (on the way down the previous day, the smell of our burning breaks was more than a little alarming on these steep winding roads with little to nothing to stop a carrying van from racing over the edge).  I have always traveled these in the four wheel drive truck but this time, we were in a heavily loaded down van and even when crawling by, our bottom scraped in many places.  At one point in our trip back up, we reached a pothole too deep to climb out.  We had to get out as some rocks were piled behind the tires.  As we climbed out, a Guatemalan taxi (a pickup truck with a metal frame fitted to the back with people standing in the bed) stopped and offered to take the ladies to the top.  So we jumped in the back of the pickup with the Guatemalan farmers or other passengers and held on tight for the remaining potholes and steep curves.  Before the truck turned off the main road, they let us off and we stood alone on the side of the road in that beautiful countryside until the truck and van caught up. 

We will be having another clinic in our hometown of San Antonio later this week.  But for now it is very good to be home.  As I ran over to give Angelita a quick kiss, she smiled bigger and longer than I've seen in a while.  I just had to sit with her for a while.  It felt like she recognised me and knew that I had been gone.  She even started to laugh a little!  Oh how I love my kids!

Earlier today I was responding to a friend and talking a little about Micah.  I have a hard time wrapping around all the emotions I have felt since he died, and the work always continues.  God had given us other children to love, so you can't just shut down, you have to keep loving.  This is so good, but writing to my friend, I was able to finally write some of what I wanted to say but couldn't.

June 22, 2015

I'm writing this while the kids are getting ready for bed with another dance party, tonight with Glow sticks!  I love this house!  I'm tired today, we were in Guastatoya today, and though we made it back early, I am still tired, or more specifically weary.  So to come home to the line of kids on the porch yelling "dali dali" to guide in the truck, and then shouting my name...  To hug my kids and have a dance party, who has time to be so tired while being so happy!

Well, this last week has been a whirlwind.  After our clinics in San Pablo, the team helped us with two more clinic days here in San Antonio.  I say again how neat it was to work with a team, and flow so well together.  Over $1500 worth of medication was distributed this week, and we saw many cases where simple education was the most needed ascet we had.  For example, headaches, stomach pain "gastritis" (we learned that everyone has gastritis, though it does not usually match the definition in the book!), and body aches and pains from a life of physically hard work.  Many of the headaches turned out to be related to drinking only one cup of water in a day supplemented if necessary by coffee or coke.  As Daryl explained this to one man, he protested stating that if he drank more water he would sweat while he worked.  Many people were dehydrated.  Others suffered from various pains, and when we asked their profession, the pain usually lined up to their work.  Stretches were showen, tips for alternating the routine, and in many cases a little naproxen.  Many other people suffered from panic attacks or nerves from truly hopeless home situations.  I have seen this so much in the homes of the families we visit, but it was sobering to see so much of it all in one place.  So many people here need Jesus in a real way.  During these clinics I grew very close to the team, and was very sad to see them go back home. 

Last week was fathers day in Guatemala, and yesterday was Father's Day in the states.  There are very few days during which I wish I were home, yesterday was one.   Father's day did not seem so important to me growing up untill I first almost lost my dad, and then moved 2,000 miles away.  I felt pretty far from my family.  I am so grateful to have a father, and mother who raised me to love God.  I am blessed to have their support in coming here, and I am continually encouraged when I can talk to them.

We are excited to welcome Emily White who has come to help us as a nanny for the next six weeks.  We can always use the help, and already it feels good to work with her. 

As I mentioned earlier, we visited Guastatoya again today.  Just an update on a few people I have mentioned, Dora's mother Filipa is doing much better.  Dora is middle aged and has special needs that keeps her wheelchair bound in a house that is so far beyond not handicap friendly that it's laughable.  The entire house is on a slant, the cement stairs are uneven, and too narrow for any chair.  To reach the street, Dora would crawl through the dirt and up the cement stairs where her mother would drag her chair.  When we met her, Filipa had fallen and broken her upper arm.  She has had it repaired at the national hospital and they left her humeros bent at nearly a 90 degree angle.  When I saw it I was afraid that she was in danger of significant lymphedema.  In other words, because her bone was broken and "repaired" at such an angle, it could have impeded the flow of lymphatic fluid which could collect and cause her arm to swell as well as other serious complications.  She has a lot of pain in that arm and almost no movement.  We talked with her about strategies to help with the pain, and to prevent more swelling, and taught her some therapy for her arm.  This month she  us that she could lift her arm nearly by itself.  She is learning other muscle groups to use to move her arm without the pain, and although this looks startling and unnatural with her arm such as it is, it is worlds better than I expected Praise God!  In this picture, you cannot see the bend in her arm because it is forward, although you can see how much shorter this arm is.  She compensates her movement by keeping her upper arm turned and close to her body so that it will bend forward at the elbow. 

Please be praying for Angel and his mother.  I have now met them twice, and only in the market where Angel's mother works every day.  It is very hot here, and Angel sits all day in his stroller in the market while his mother works.  Some siblings run in and out from time to time, until they are old enough for school or more likely work.  Angel's mother works all day on her feet cooking.  She has an nonhealing ulcer on her leg that is growing since our last visit.  She is not diabetic, and we double checked today just to be sure.  This issue is likely a circulation sore indicating that she may have some level of failure.  In any case, a major help for her would be to take the weight off of her feet by either lying or sitting with her leg up, but where she works the entire day, this will not be an option.  

June 23, 2015

Thank you to our teams who come with great love, and provide our kids with stickers, bubbles, and new clothes!  Both our medical team who come with Daryl's sister, and the team visiting in our home for the last two days with Lisa(our Occupational Therapist)'s mother brought new clothes and the kids are having a blast!  Between new pajamas, stickers, glow sticks, and a number of evening dance parties, this is one happy house!  Thank God for providing food daily, a roof, and clothes.  Thank you God for providing not only what we need, but so much more because it pleases you to see your children smiling and laughing!!!

 

June 24, 2015

We just heard that we will be receiving a two month old down syndrome baby girl!  More, she should arrive later today or tomorrow!!  We are still two children over "full capacity", and now we will once again have 13 children in out home, 6 of whom are bottle fed, 7 of whom need to be fed.  Olimpia and Rosalinda hold their own bottles, but we are pushing to spoon feed them at least with two meals a day.  Now once again, every crib and girls bed will be full.  We are so very full and it brings joy to my heart. 

We haven't been told her name yet, and have no idea her situation.  Further, Taryn and Jay are leaving for their first visit to friends and family in the states in the 4 years they have lived here.  This will leave us with a few hands short in the evenings and weekends.  We are so excited to welcome this little girl into our home. 

 Evening

And just like that, we have a new baby!  Miss Alison Abigail (not sure on the spelling, I have not read the paperwork yet) has entered our home.  We were told that she is actually 1 month not two, and her mother gave her up when she realized that she had down syndrome and would need more care than she could provide.  Sadly, Taryn and Jay have to wait two weeks to meet her, and Daryl and Wanda have to stay at the airport until the plane departs at midnight.  This means Steve, Emily and I got to welcome her home and begin to learn about her.  So far, we know she has a very strong grip for a 1 month old, and she does not like baths!  She does not seem to have any health problems, but she is characteristic of a down syndrome baby.  She has almond eyes, low ears, and a wide nose.  She already plays with her tongue in and out of her mouth, and extends her hand similar to how Olimpia does.  I can't wait to see her next to Olimpia!

June 25, 2015

A family came to our home half an hour ago because their 5 month old baby has a fever.  When Daryl saw him, he recognised that baby Diego had some other things going on.  His eyes did not track, and moved spastically, his neck was stiff and back, his hands were in tight fists with tight arms, and he showed other signs of Cerebral Palsy or other brain damage.  We asked about his mother's pregnancy, and he had been born a month early with blue lips.  Then we had to tell them that their child has Cerebral Palsy and brain damage and that there is no cure.  That sucked.  I can't really think of worse news to hear about your infant son.  Despite this, God is good.  We explained to them that God loves their son very much and so do we.  He is a blessing and he is beautiful.  We talked to them further, because this is the purpose of our ministry.  We scheduled a neurology appointment for him next week to confirm what we are mostly certain of, and to determine the extent of the damage.  He will need physical therapy, and possibly medications. 

They have a very long road ahead of them, and life will not be easy for them.  But God loves them, and he loves Diego.  He will be with them every step of the way as will we.  Please be praying for Diego and his family because they just left here and everything in their life has been turned upside down.  

I'm sorry this was a long one, but it has been a very long month.  I find that about every night (sometimes much sooner) I am exhasted.  I am tired, but content because God has placed me in this perfect place.  Thank you all for your prayers!

~Katie~

--after His heart--