Lessons and Leading

I haven’t written in some time now because I was not sure what to explain exactly what God has been doing in my life when he told me to step away from Guatemala for a time, and go to Tennessee. It seemed a little ridiculous to me, and out right confusing to explain to anyone else that yes, I was stilled called to guatemala, but for a spell God had something different.

I had to be in the states for a time to complete my final online course for my bachelors degree, and God opened up an opportunity to come to a school of practical ministry at the same time. Some questioned why I would leave the mission field to go back to school when I was already in ministry, and all I could say was that after much prayer, Jesus was telling me to go. So to stay in Guatemala for this time would have been disobedience. It was a hard decision, filled with tears, but God has blessed this as a tremendous time of personal growth. I had become burnt out, and was struggling with a lot.

Although it is true that life in Guatemala and ministry with so many hurting and fragile kids is emotionally tolling, my real struggle was not grief, but depression which had even deeper root causes from my own history that I had previously refused to admit to myself or deal with. I had never struggled with this before, and I did not know how to process it. God blessed me tremendously however with such a supportive family in Guatemala. And this is his promise; that he will provide for me what I need, when I need it, as it fits in His plan for me.

In Tennessee too he knew what I would need, and he had prepared a family for me here as well. I came to the cross style school of practice ministry hurting, and reluctant because God told me to, not because I wanted to be there. And He kinda tricked me! At first it looked like a ministry would be available to work hands on with the Hispanic community in working towards citizenship until that door closed. And God showed me that I was not in Tennessee to DO anything, but to rest in Him, and for healing of my heart.

That said, this has been an incredibly busy time in active ministry. The church is involved in a lot of ministry with the homeless community including supper each night, and involvement a housing program during winter months aimed at reaching this community (which God holds dear) with His love. Another major ministry is with the Cross style center which works with men and women from different situations, many fresh out of prison. This is a program that is similar to a half way house in its provision of lodging, assistance in getting a job and acclimated to life again. Where it differed is in the focus. Not Christian, but Christ. By that I mean the idea is discipleship to a personal relationship with Christ, not just another church goer who believes attendance points matter with God. They have responding recovery classes, and services at the church all the while hearing the name of Jesus on a constant basis. They are a part of our church body. God has reviewed his heart in ministry through this.

The biggest thing I am learning is not to be less busy, but to center my business around Christ. I know that I will never be ‘not busy’ (aside from specific times of rest) because, well, it’s just who I am and who he made me. But it is not possible to do in my own power. So much more, He is teaching me to love every moment with him. He wants me to invite him into my chaos.

There is so, so much more he has been teaching me. It is an intimacy with Him I have been on the edge of for years. With Him so near, depression simply does not exist. At all. He has healed so much in me in layers and He is far from finished. What is amazing is that everything he is teaching me now he has given me a glimpse of before. He has taught me these concepts in Guatemala before, these truths of his person, but God is using this time in Tennessee to teach me what this concept is, and giving me handles to grasp and process what he was showing me for years.

God is so good, and so patient to explain to the slow processors like myself. Some things he has taught me before and is now teaching again are about true ministry. Seeking his heart so that actions flow out, not seeking to act in ways that look Christian. The world honestly doesn’t need more humanitarians, but more Jesus in every life at every moment.

God has also taught me worlds about how to love as he loves. Questions like how do you love people you can’t be open with, or trust. How can you love people who are rough on the edges? How do I love people who don’t know they need you? How do I love with Gods love, and see with his eyes and not with my eyes which are blurred by offense and hurt. God is showing me areas in my life that do not look like him. He is exposing history, and that when I found ways to cope with trauma, I was coping in my own power, not releasing to Him the hurt he would heal. In that, the coping itself became disobedience because I didn’t want to give to him what would hurt to walk through. It was easier to ignore, distract away, and ‘cope’ on my own. But I didn’t realize what that was doing to me, or that my methods of coping with history and trauma were keeping Jesus out of that area of my life. That is where depression slipped in, and it was also disobedience to actively ignore Jesus asking to heal an area I had already ‘patched’ on my own.

So this is where God has me. And he can do so much more through me when I let Him lead rather than asking him to follow. And he is leading me back to Guatemala. It he is asking me to trust him in a few areas I don’t like trusting in. Mostly, planning and control. I am returning to Guatemala in August, but I don’t know the exact date, and when I get there I don’t know my exact function. He is also asking me to trust him in financial situations I have previously always handled myself. So I am in prayer, and I would ask any prayer and after time praying on my own, and with a few others, I am now asking others to join me.

One desire God has long given me, from before I even started nursing school was to love people through Nursing caring. When I return I can live in or near the group homes and travel out with the rural village ministry team to visit and support families who have children with special needs. The aim is in part to help enable living families keep their children in their homes rather than send them to an institution where abuse and neglect run rampant. The real objective is to reach these entire families with the relational love of Christ, starting by showing love to their child others call garbage. This is a passion, and very necessary. We need more workers and my heart hurts here.

God has also long laid on my heart the idea of opening another group home under Hope for Home to love children with special needs in Guatemala. I have lived this life, and this love is the most intimate way I can show Christ’s love to another human. These kids are beyond precious. I don't know how to explain being so in love with a child you heard about on the phone only as an age, gender, and disability so that before you even meet them, your heart breaks for them. This is also something I am extremely passionate about, the need is so very great.

So it’s decision time. And by that, I mean time to decide to pray, lean on God, and trust his timing and plans. Specifics still pending, I'm returning in August sometime, and I am open to where he leads. He will provide everything I am lacking (which is quite literally everything anyway since such a great love is beyond me!!)!

Thank you all for your continued prayers. Pray also for those living in the devastation from fuego's furry, whose consequences are still mounting. And pray for more workers because the need is great.

Heartache

I have been sharing so much, and flooding facebook with updates about Guatemala, and the tragic eruption of volcano Fuego which has claimed so many lives.  This was the largest eruption in a number of decades, and because the ground was so wet from rainy season, lava flows combined with water, debris, and hot rock fragments (pyroclasts), superheated air, and volcanic gases.  This travels so fast, around 300 miles an hour.  Further, Fuego regularly erupts, but never so devastatingly.  Our group homes lie 8 miles from the crater so we frequently watch these eruptions from our homes.  Many people had watched these for years and were watching again when the fast moving flow swept over them almost before they even knew they were in danger.  This hit an impoverished area with little access, and was devastating.  The pictures are devastating, and many are very graphic.  The stories are worse. 

In part I have been in shock, and morning for the lives lost.  And in part I have wished to share this great need to the body of Christ in the U.S. who are a part of this same hurting body who are in great need for prayer, and support.  One grieving mother asked that she would not be forgotten when the news no longer follows because her heartache will last lifelong.  As of this morning, the death toll has reached 99 people with a few hundred still missing.  Courageous rescue workers now search for victims rather than survivors.  Their eyes have seen so much.  Please remember them also in your prayers. 

Our ministry has been coordinating with the disaster relief efforts and was able to travel into some villages on the slopes.  The road they would take to the villages hit hardest was impassable, but God directed them to two villages for about 7,000 people who were out of drinking water because the rainwater they relied on was contaminated.  Resources from ministries and the people of Guatemala, as well as donations from the U.S. helped provide water filters for the entire community in stations set up at churches and schools in the community.  However as they were there, the call came to evacuate recue workers because of further eruptions.  Our team stayed just a little longer to pray with the families still trapped in the path of danger.  There is so much fear here. 

An update yesterday from Daryl read “I should be sleeping, but I can’t. Earlier tonight, I received a message from a friend that contained a news article about the River Ceniza in Siquinala. After yesterday’s eruption, there was a flow of a high temperature gases and mud that flowed down this river. We crossed that river yesterday as we were leaving the village of El Ceylan. It was the long way out after they closed down the route behind us right after we came through.

What this means is that those villages are completely trapped. There is no way out.

The map below shows the predicament. The blue line is the route we drove into El Ceylan. The yellow circle shows the area where they evacuated and closed the road after yesterdays’s eruption. The green lines shows the back way we took home because we were notified of the road closing. And the red line shows the River Ceniza which had the flow of superheated gases, apparently right after we passed. There is no bridge. You have to drive or walk through the water. There is no way back in if the road does not reopen.

I try not to worry, but this is getting to me. And I am way up in Canilla and unable to return due to responsibilities here. Will you please pray for the villages of El Ceylan, La Rochela, and San Osuna? They are trapped in without a means of escape. I will try to get to them and check their status when I return. Praying I will be able to pass. These are the very same people to whom we gave water filters, hugged, prayed with, and laughed with yesterday, and I love them. Thanks”

It has been hard to be so far from Guatemala during this time, as this is also a time of remembering the anniversaries of two of the children he have lost; Angelita and Micah.  We also learned last week that beautiful Rosalinda, whom we had cherished, had been discharged from the malnutrition center where she had lived for over a year, and had been sent to her family.  Her family loved her deeply, but did not understand her intense health needs, and we learned that she had died. 

My heart is raw.  Death is not a stranger on a personal, and grand scale. 

Further, so so many hearts are hurting, and there is much fear. 

But God is SO SO much greater than our fears.  He holds all this in His hands.  God is faithful.  He holds the victory.  God has shown me a love deep enough for morn.  And he is faithful to love deeper still.  God loves Guatemala and her people.  He desires their hearts. 

This week in Tennessee has been a training camp at Cross Style where I am for this time.  And God is moving in many.  For me, never have I sobbed praises like this week.  Never have I seen how great and powerful and loving is our God than this week.   And this body morns for people they have never met because they see mourning before them.  God is a God of unity for His people. 

1 O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

    my soul thirsts for you;

my flesh faints for you,

    as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

    beholding your power and glory.

3 Because your steadfast love is better than life,

    my lips will praise you.

4 So I will bless you as long as I live;

    in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,

    and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,

6 when I remember you upon my bed,

    and meditate on you in the watches of the night;

7 for you have been my help,

    and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

8 My soul clings to you;

    your right hand upholds me.

Psalm 63

19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,

    the wormwood and the gall!

20 My soul continually remembers it

    and is bowed down within me.

21 But this I call to mind,

    and therefore I have hope:

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[b]

    his mercies never come to an end;

23 they are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

    “therefore I will hope in him.”

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him,

    to the soul who seeks him.

26 It is good that one should wait quietly

    for the salvation of the Lord.

Lamentations 3:19-26

Through all this, there are so many stories of the provision of God.  My favorite is a tiny baby rescued.  Rescues pull out a bright, clean, healthy baby girl from the midst of a barren and dark landscape.  God has not left alone the people He loves.  

Please pray for this nation which God holds dear.  

After His heart

Katie Riley