August 15, 2016
We just saw another team off. I love when teams come and we can share with them the ministry which God has placed on our hearts. There is only so much that can be expressed in a blog like this. The reality cannot be fully shared except when seen in person. We love teams who spend their own time and money to come to a developing country and help disabled children rather than using that valuable vacation time to spend with their own families. It is a sacrifice, and it is expressing love. So please don't misunderstand my attitude toward our incredible teams by what I share next.
One thing we try to let each member of a team experience is our village distributions. We are entering people's homes, so we can usually take only 2-3 additional people with us on these visits. Some visits see urban life in good homes, but overcrowded or desperate situations, and others get to see the rural poverty which is physically desperate. Poverty can be difficult to measure here as those in the city live in generally better constructed homes, but may not have any food in the house while a home constructed of corn husks and tarps may have a television inside. Our teams only get a small glimpse of these families, and only for one short visit.
With that said, there is a lot that goes into determining the true needs of a family. We screen each family and don't simply throw money at a problem our western eyes see. We are very careful with what aid we give out to whom so that we do not enable an unhealthy lifestyle of dependence on foreign aid like what is seen in the broken welfare system in the US. We do not want to hurt our families by removing their independence or dignity. We follow up with our families, and get to know them pretty well. We love them.
I share this because of a situation with a member on a team. She was experiencing our local distribution to families relatively close to our home. As we walked in to one home, I could see her struck by what she saw. A front gate made of ruffled tin, a few small, crowded structures made of corn husk walls, ruffled tin roves, and dirt floors. Her next comment confirmed what I saw "this is the poorest house I have ever been in". Soon, the mother's story came out to further pull at this woman's heart. The mother was frustrated, and asked why they could not receive a second food basket, and four bags of diapers instead of two. Further, she shared struggles with the quality of the diapers. I could see this working on the woman from the team. Next the mother expressed frustration about the time of our visits each month. Manuel explained the uncertainties of the ministry which make a consistent day for distribution to a specific home impossible. At this point the woman on the team visiting with us asked me why all of these things were possible. Why could we not take unlimited food bags or diapers, and why could we not come each month on the same day. Why could we not leave the food by the door when the mother was not home, and why could we not allow the mother to come to our group home to receive her monthly food instead of visiting her home. She asked why we could not do more for this family.
There are a lot of answers, and I am afraid that in the moment I was too fatigued and distracted to answer her fully as we did not have an interpreter that day and my mind was on translating.
The biggest and simplest way to answer these questions is to simply state that we had known this family, and this culture for five years. We had known this family well, and although this is the poorest house the woman on the team had ever seen, it was not the poorest we had ever encountered. There is more to poverty than the materials of the home. We screen the families, and we know how many members are in the household, how many are children, and how many are working. We have walked into homes with block walls and a cement floor that have no food in the home, and no income due to age and disability of all members of the home. And we have seen dirt floored homes with a television, and food on the table.
Further, we know our families. We have history with them. Some we send money and collect receipts each month. Others have been known to change the numbers on receipts, or to use resources provided by us, for personal gain rather than for their intended uses. Some have sold their children's medications that we gave them. There are families we can no longer work with because they have not been honest with us.
The woman on the team saw the poorest woman she had ever seen asking for help, and she reasonably asked why she couldn't receive more help. We know the full picture, and everything that has led to the dynamics of this question over the last five years, including her history in how she has dealt with our ministry, both the positives, and the negatives.
This mother received the same food basket as many other families, and the same adult diapers as our other families, and in fact, the very adult sized diapers we use for our children in the group home. Adult diapers are very expensive, so we give what we can to each family without using all the money on diapers alone. Therefore we help by providing some of the diapers needed that month. As to the quality of these adult diapers, we are asking no more of our families than they very quality that we use with our adult sized children
We receive money from donors or sponsors in the states to buy food for families. That money is tracked responsibly, and a record of every penny spent is kept. When a family receives food, medicine, or anything with monetary value, we ask for their signature or thumbprint on a receipt so that we have paper proof that the money donated is going where we say it goes. We do this to maintain the legitimacy , and prove the integrity of our ministry. Therefore, we cannot leave food, medicine, or anything else at a house without someone there to receive it. This is also one reason why our families cannot come to the home to receive their food. First, it is not stored here because it is the group home, and even if one bag were kept here, the team would not be here with our paper receipts. But more importantly, the entire goal of this ministry is the spread of the gospel. When we visit homes with physical aid, the ultimate goal is to share the love of Christ through fellowship and a relationship build by monthly supportive visits. This will be lost if we do not visit the home each month. As far as visiting on the same day each month... This simply is not feasable given the nature of our work. Each month there are so many changes to the schedule for emergancy doctor visits, or the vehicles are needed to take a child to a hearing, ect. For example, the very day of that visit, one of our vehicles broke down, and we had to put off visiting some of our local families until another day so we could take the truck to pick up a team member with one of our children who had been stranded in Antigua. Even plans from earlier that day had to change and some families we had planned on seeing could now not be seen that day.
I'll only just touch on this, but in the book "when helping hurts", many points are addressed specifically challenging how we as westerners view helping those in developing countries. We want to throw money at it. For many reasons I'll not get into, this is actually detrimental and damaging to individuals and communities without proper research and an understanding of the situation cross culturally.
Finally, I would repeat that the ministry has been working closely with this mother for the last 5 years. In that time, we have learned about their needs, and their strengths, and how these fit into their life within this indigenous town. In addition to screening families and their needs, we know this family. This is not the first time we had heard these extra requests, and this was not the first time we explained why we could not divert other resources from where they were needed more.
So, to the woman who wondered why we didn't give more food to the poorest woman she had ever seen, I wish I could have answered you better in the moment than "it's complicated". I'm sorry I was unable to paint for you the big picture, and the answers I did give may have sounded unfair. The truth is that it IS complicated, and that we do the very best we can do to share Christ's love with these families in what our small minds believe is the best way for each specific family.
August 17, 2016
Yesterday was our monthly trip to the families in Guastatoya. I love these distribution trips because of the time we get to spend with our families. We have grown quite close to some of them, and their victories are our victories, their struggles are our struggles. Yesterday there seemed to be a lot of victories, and I thought I would share some of them with you.
Jorge, a 12 year old boy with Downs syndrome, is generally a wound up ball of energy waiting to burst. When we arrive, he excitedly runs up to us, and grabs a hand, and before you can say good morning, he is off in another direction. He often grabs things that are not his, and runs wild. While we are sitting and visiting, he may sit for a few minutes squirming in his chair, before jumping up and moving on. His mother struggles to keep him under control. Jorge rarely wears much, and generally walks around in his underpants wearing whatever food he has snatched up lately. He is full of energy and excitement.
Yesterday, when Manuel and I walked in, Jorge came up to us clean from head to toe (although only wearing his underwear), and gave me a hug. It was notable because he hugged me, and then backed off without invading my personal space. As we were talking, he disappeared, and returned with a puppy which he offered to me. He handled this puppy very gently, and lovingly, and set him down without overhanding him. When Jorge’s mother asked him to grab something, he did so without argument, and obeyed quickly and calmly. His mother says that this had been happening more and more lately. Jorge, who used to keep his mother running all day long, was calm and well behaved. Praise God!
Another family just a few blocks over, consists of an elderly mother and her two special needs adult children Marcella, and Manuella. Carmen, their mother, lives with them in a small home we helped her move into a few years ago. Manuella, the younger of the two, is very short, and very loving. She does not talk very much, but she is sweet, and laughs a lot. Marcella on the other hand is trapped in her own reality which is quite scary. She is very intense and agitated. As a result, she often hides when we come only to run out shouting or cursing about the terrors in her reality.
Until recently, their dirt yard had become the resting place for discarded bottles, bags, and trash. The small yard was full of stacks of trash so that it was without on garbage. It had become quite detrimental to the health of the three women, and we had spoken with Carmen many times about the safety risk all the trash posed.
Last month, when we visited, we were surprised to find the entire house had been cleaned, and every item removed from the yard. To be frank, I am nut sure how this was accomplished as the enormity of the change was staggering. Imagine the yard as a two year old compost pile feet deep, and suddenly every piece of it was gone leaving behind a clean, flat dirt yard.
Further, Marcella had been transformed, and was a different person. She willing came out to greet us, although she does still shy away from physical touch. She no longer talks about the people trying to hurt her, but participates in conversation, and even smiles.
This month when we visited, we found that the yard was still clear of garbage, and Marcella was in a more pleasant reality. She talked with us, and smiled. Praise God!
These things are no small matter. People with special needs do not receive a sympathetic nod from fellow shoppers at the supermarket. They are seen as useless, and trouble. Both of these families live always up the mountain in their town, and their neighbors surely hear some of their daily struggles. When God works in these families, it is a testimony to the neighbors and extended family that God provides for his treasured children.
We know these families, and we love them. So to celebrate with them triumphs like these... Incredible!
Wow, that is amazing to hear about Jorge and Carmen's family. I haven't been to see them in a while, but I know exactly what you're talking about in both situations. What a blessing to hear!
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